Fear

Elizabeth Sipple

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I am not like the others

I watch cautiously

Troubled by the outcome

While those around me take chances

 

I sit paralyzed

Unable to take action

Stressed to the point of pain

Kept still as stone by the worry in my mind

 

My anxiety keeps me from doing what I want to do

From making decisions, from doing as they do

I sit, unable to make a choice, unable to do anything

Except stay in place, filled with fear

 

If I tell people about it, they scoff

They tell me not to let it take over my life

They tell me that I should just “do what I want”

They don’t understand that I can’t

 

I hate my anxiety

And yet it is a part of me

A part without which I cannot imagine my life

A part inseparable from who I am as a person

 

I can’t imagine a world in which

I make those rash decisions

I do those reckless things

Without even thinking about it

 

And so, I suppose

Anxiety is more

than a “disorder”

It’s who I am

A part of my identity forever